The Power of His Presence - Part 2

0:00 It's a parable of the sower where the cares of this life choke out what God began to do in our lives. So for some of us, it's negative thought patterns that continue to just keep us from being in the peace and joy of the Lord and the righteousness and experiencing that as a daily walk. For others of us, it's just the distractions of life. And they don't seem sinful in themselves, right? It's just a cool video your friend sent you. It's hilarious. You're taking your eyes from Jesus where you're getting life and direction and fulfillment. Welcome to the City Light Church podcast. Thanks for joining us today as we look into God's Word and discover the hope and truth that He has for us. If you want to connect with City Light Church, feel free to visit us at citylightnyc.com.

0:41 That's citylightnyc.com. Pastor Boyan Jancic and his team believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is already working in our hearts and minds. As you listen to today's teaching, remember that you are deeply loved by God, that you are surrounded by His grace, and that He has a real hope and a future for you. Hallelujah. High City Light, good morning. I've got a four-year-old son who I frequently tell I love him, and he kind of brushes it off. And I say, Samuel, I love you.

1:23 Did you know that? And he perks up. I said, did you know that? He said, yeah, I know that. I know that. Let's go to Romans 14, 17. In the scripture, Paul says that righteousness, joy, and peace are ours in the Holy Spirit. Did you know that? Did you know that? Righteousness, joy, and peace. Did you know that? Did you know that?

2:04 Did you know that? I'm Brian Anderson. I'm one of the elders here at City Light. And we're going to be talking about the Holy Spirit today. And sometimes we need to be reminded of what's available to us in the kingdom. But did you know that? I think Father's question is over the church right now. Did you know that you have righteousness in Jesus? Did you know that his joy is yours? Did you know that peace profound and beyond God comprehension is yours. Not because you're perfect, but because you put your trust in Jesus. And if you haven't put your trust in Jesus, it's an invitation today.

2:45 Did you know that? You're invited to the table of a king where joy and peace are your daily experience, not an occasional experience. So this scripture says that the kingdom of God is not about eating and drinking. It's not about the physical realm and do's and don'ts, but it's about righteousness, joy, and peace in the Holy Spirit. And it's really important how that ends in the Holy Spirit. It doesn't come from us. It comes from him. And it's a gift and it's free. It's part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit is that his righteousness, joy, and peace are ours. The moment you give your life to the Lord, his righteousness is yours. The problem is we don't experience a lot of this stuff because of interference that we create.

3:29 Pastor Mo was just talking about quenching the Spirit. We quench the Spirit when we focus on our sin instead of focusing on Jesus. We quench the spirit when we focus on our circumstances and forget the availability of his righteousness, peace, and joy for us. So the focus, our focus matters. Where our eyes are matters and determines whether we're walking in this or not. Those of you who know my story, you know that I came to the Lord in 2019 in this church. and was radically transformed by the presence and power of God. It was actually in the East Village location on 7th Street, and I walked in looking for something spiritual, alcoholic, drug addict, fornicator, with a broken relationship.

4:14 I was trying to piece my life together, and failing miserably. I'd come from a Christian family. I'd walked away from the faith. 13 years, I hadn't set foot in a church other than maybe for a holiday or something, but, you know, completely hardened towards God. And I encountered the Holy Spirit there closing my eyes and starting to pray and saying, you know, God, I'm here. And I began to hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, not like an audible voice, but I began to sense his love. I began to sense him saying, I've been pursuing you. I said, Lord, when have you been pursuing me? And he started showing me all the ways he's been pursuing me over the years and all the ways that pushed him away. And it started a new trajectory of my life where God began to transform every area of my life.

4:57 I'm sitting here with the woman who I had the broken relationship with. She's now my beautiful wife. Heidi's here today. I've got my son with us today as well, and my youngest one-month-old baby here, Abigail Susan Anderson, and my son, who's turning 14 today. Big teenager. Stand up for a second. Look how tall he's getting. Oh my gosh. The other day, he called me from his school and he said, Dad, your days are numbered. And I said, what does that mean? He said, well, they just moved my PE class to the basement where the weight room is located and I'm lifting weights every day and I'm coming for you.

5:50 So happy birthday, son. I hope you pass me up. I hope you do. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. So from a place of brokenness, God restored and renewed my life in every area. And it was a process of walking it out with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit's presence, not just here in the church service, but it's available every single day of our lives. And the righteousness, peace, and joy of the Lord are ours and our inheritance. They belong to us because of what Jesus has done, not because of what we've done. And even as a Christian, sometimes we come into the kingdom and go, yes, he forgave me for all that stuff in the past. But what about this stuff now? I keep struggling, right? I keep struggling, so I got to get myself fixed up before I can experience the righteousness and peace and joy again.

6:32 I got to clean myself up. And that's not what the scripture says. It says it's yours in the Holy Spirit. The peace of God is yours. The joy of God is yours. The righteousness of Christ is yours, even as you're working out your salvation, even as you're struggling. even as you're going through a hard time in a relationship, even as you're struggling with sin, even as you're struggling with addiction, the peace and joy of the Lord are yours. And he invites you this morning to draw from that. I remember not too long after I had that Holy Spirit encounter, I was talking to Pastor Bo and I was telling him, you know, kind of how my life was going. And it just seemed like it couldn't get any better. I mean, every time I'd pray, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and it was just this amazing thing.

7:13 The Holy Spirit is real. He's involved in every aspect of my life. He's doing amazing things. And I remember Pastor Bo saying, you know, sometimes people will go through a dry season where they won't feel the Holy Spirit quite as much, right? And I remember thinking... He's got to be wrong about that because the honeymoon season for me is lasting forever. I promise you that. So sure enough, you know, there was a season where I got really busy with work and I remember kind of just feeling a little bit more dry and thinking, okay, I'm glad I was kind of forewarned to this. He had said it's time to dig deep and it's time to kind of get in the word and chase after God a little bit. That's important. It's important to put down some roots and learn to draw from the Holy Spirit.

7:54 and know what's available to you and know how to go after it. So I entered that season of my walk with the Lord. And I would notice that in the morning, if I spent time with the Lord, I'd have a really great start to my day. But sometimes by the end of the day, I felt deflated and defeated. And I couldn't understand why. And I was like, I remember going to the Holy Spirit one time and saying, Holy Spirit, why do I keep feeling kind of great in the morning and ick by the end of the day? Something gets on me. I don't know what it is. Is it spiritual? What is it? And it's like a lot of the conversations I have with Holy Spirit, I ask a question and then it's just quiet. Right. But eventually he starts to show me and it kind of becomes clear to me. That's usually how it works. So I asked the question and I'm expecting him to show me.

8:37 And sure enough, he starts to show me how my thought patterns would go, you know, would be on him during the day in the morning. And I would get in a conversation or get into a situation at work and I'd lose my temper or I'd be impatient with somebody. And then I'd start beating myself up over it kind of subconsciously like, oh, man, I should have said that. oh man, I should have played that differently. Oh man, what kind of a witness am I? Oh man, what kind of a Christian am I? And those thoughts would start to run through my head. And pretty soon I'd be down in this gutter when I'd started in such a great place. I started with the peace and joy of God, but I ended my day in the gutter and just feeling like, you know, like just having, just feeling worthless or feeling drained. And just, I come home and Heidi would be like, well, how's your day?

9:18 I'm like, I'm good, I guess, but I don't know why I'm feeling so drained. You know, I mean, is that what this is like? Is that just what I'm supposed to live like? Like I get the high of, you know, the Holy Spirit in the morning, and then by the end, it's all drained out. And the Holy Spirit began to show me that I was putting my eyes, not keeping my eyes on Jesus, but putting them on my failures, putting them on my mistakes, and obsessing about my mistakes. And he started forbidding me from looking at myself. And it was weird because he's like, he's like, stop looking at yourself, Brian, keep your eyes on me. And it's like, it sounds like a simple thing, but it was profound for me because instead of looking at myself, trying to fix myself, trying to sort out, oh man, I should have said this different.

10:01 I should have said that different. He just told me, nope, immediately go back to me. You make a mistake, go, thank you, Jesus. that you're with me, that you're transforming me, that you're changing me, that you're working in me. I don't have to fix it. I can't fix it. My character issues, my issues that don't align with your word, you're working it out in me as I fix my eyes on Jesus. And in Hebrews 12, one and two, It says that we are to, you know, lay aside sin and the weights that get in our way, and we're to fix our eyes on Jesus. We're to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. This is the recipe to success is keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. For some of us, we have these thought patterns that, you know, sometimes we're good and sometimes we're not that good.

10:43 Like sometimes our thoughts get away from us and it quenches the Holy Spirit. And it takes away that peace and that joy that are ours. And oftentimes it starts with the righteousness of God being questioned in our lives, right? Because we start questioning whether we're really in right standing with him anymore. We start questioning whether we're actually, you know, we start feeling feelings of condemnation and feelings of worthlessness. And that begins to erode our faith and our ability to receive from the Lord. And he wants us to, he wants to keep us, you know, fixated on Jesus and not on our circumstances, not on our failures, not on our mistakes. For others of us, it's just distraction. You know, we live in a, we live in a world that's full of distraction.

11:25 there's, you know, everything from social media, everything's designed to distract us. So we come to a service and we have this moment where the Lord speaks to us. But the moment we hit the parking lot, the moment we hit our car, it's like, it's gone, right? Cause we're like, we're checking the work email. We're checking the Instagram message. We're scrolling. And so what God began in the church service, it's like immediately gets snatched away. There's actually a parable about that. It's a parable of the sower where the cares of this life choke out what God began to do in our lives. So for some of us, it's negative thought patterns that continue to just keep us from being in the peace and joy of the Lord. And the righteousness and experiencing that as a daily walk. For others of us, it's just the distractions of life. And they don't seem sinful in themselves, right?

12:07 It's just a cool video your friend sent you. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. It's whatever, but like, you know, you're taking your eyes from Jesus where you're getting life and direction and fulfillment and all of that good stuff in church. And this moment you walk out, it's like you just dropped it, you know? And so I think the Holy Spirit is wanting to do two things this morning. I think he's wanting to make us aware of our negative thought patterns. And for some of us, set us free from that. He started to, he started to kind of prick me every time I'd, I start looking at myself, eyes up here. And it felt so awkward because I was so used to like analyzing my problems. And there was almost like this comfort in like my despair and like this wallowing in it.

12:47 And like, oh Lord, you know, I'm so messed up and And no hope or faith came from that, only more despair and heaviness. And the moment I just stopped doing that process and started immediately looking back to Jesus, I'm not denying that I have a problem. I have problems, but Jesus, you're the answer. Jesus, I'm focusing on your joy. I'm focusing on your righteousness. Jesus, you're the one. I'm going to go back into the presence of God. I'm not going to let it rob my peace. I'm not going to let it rob my joy. I'm going to stay in the peace and joy of God. And so that's the litmus test. Are you walking in the peace of joy of God all day? Are you walking with his righteousness as a shield? His righteousness, not your righteousness. Because as you follow him, he changes you in the process.

13:30 And for the other group of us, and we're going to open up the altar after a couple more of my brothers preach here. But for others of us, the distractions of life continue to rob us from what God is doing. He starts, he plants a seed of conversation in your life. Maybe he's ministering to you about whatever, the presence of God, forgiveness. So there's some theme that he opens up in your life and you're like, God's speaking to me. But then you stop the conversation too soon. He wants to continue that the next morning and the next day and the next day. And there's a connecting of the dots that's not happening in your life because distraction keeps breaking the cord. And he wants to weave a thread through your life where he starts to build things. And it's on Sunday morning with the word that's preached. And it's in the life groups. And it's when you open your Bible and it's when you pray.

14:12 And there's a continuity in the spirit. Instead of you just breaking off and putting all of your attention and affection on the world all week. And then kind of shifting it back to Jesus during the weekend. There's this continuation that he wants to bring in our lives. We no longer allow the cares of this world to choke out. the things that God is sowing into our lives, the message that he's bringing us because he's speaking to each of us. He's having a conversation with each of us and we keep leaving the conversation mid-conversation. We keep interrupting him when he's sowing something into our life and he's building revelation upon revelation and, And he's building something in your time in the scripture. He's building something in your time of prayer. And what he wants to, I think, restore to us a holy reverence for his voice and to say, look, I'm gonna write down what I learned today.

14:55 I'm gonna take it seriously. I'm gonna show God that I'm faithful with the things that he's speaking to me through his word. And I'm gonna go back to it. I'm gonna treasure it. I'm gonna see how he's building on it. And I'm gonna, You know, I can check my social media or whatever, but I'm not going to forget what God's speaking in my life. That's going to be first and foremost. I'm not going to let the other distractions become my whole life. I'm going to remember the conversation I'm having with the Lord, and I'm going to let it continue and see how he builds and builds and builds in my life. Amen? All right. With that, I'm going to turn it over to Lieutenant Rob. And... Before I turn it over, if the Lord is speaking to you on either of those levels, I want you to come up when this is over and get prayer and refocus and ask the Holy Spirit.

15:43 He's called our helper. He's the one who's going to help you refocus from distraction. He's the one who's going to keep your mind from going where it's been going and stay on Jesus. He's the one who can do it. He's our helper. He was sent for that exact reason to walk us into these things. Amen? Amen. Thank you, Pastor Brian. There's nothing more humbling than being bookended by these two massive men in the Lord. It's just, I feel like a hobbit up here. So let's get it started right away. I just want to begin. If anybody here is anything like me, I need things kind of broken down into building blocks, into kind of a basic understanding of what it is that's being spoken of.

16:29 And so the Lord kind of shared that with me last week as I was preparing. So if there's anybody here who this is very new to, you know, the concept of the Holy Spirit is sort of foreign to them. Let's go to the source. Let's go right to the Bible and see what the Bible has to say about the Holy Spirit. So our first scripture is John 14, 26. Who is the Holy Spirit? Jesus himself calls him the helper. And I love the context the Amplified gives. The comforter, the advocate, the intercessor, the counselor and strengthener. whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things. And that last line is referring to how he's going to help the disciples as they're in the future helping convey what happened during the time of Jesus walking with them.

17:13 He helps them remember all those things. You might ask yourself, who is the Holy Spirit for? Who can possibly receive it? Well, Acts 2, 38 through 39, Peter said to them, repent and be baptized, each of you, in the name of Jesus. For the promise of the Holy Spirit is for you and your children and for all who are far away, including the Gentiles. And so we are considered in that, right? The promise is for us and our children. physically where does the holy spirit reside it's this is not a you know a familiar thing i don't know i'm using that word right i would look at pastor mo because his vocabulary is amazing but it's not this foreign concept the holy spirit physically literally resides within you in in first corinthians 6 19 do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy spirit who is within you so you might hear those things and you would ask okay saying i can receive it who can't receive And in John 14, 16 through 17, we see that the world cannot receive and take it to its heart because it does not see him or know him.

18:13 But you know him because he, meaning the Holy Spirit, remains with you and will be in you. So we could ask, we shared how we can receive him. Who doesn't qualify? How do I know that I qualify? Well, in John 15, 19, we see if you belong to the world, the world would love you as its own. As we all know, especially in this current age, we do not belong to the world, right? The world does not love believers in Christ right now. But you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. And then finally, I believe I can receive. How do I know that God will grant me the Holy Spirit? Well, Luke 11, 13, if you then being evil, that is sinful by nature, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask and continue to ask him?

19:03 And so I share all those things, again, those kind of basic building blocks, that framework. And I just want to relate to you the very first encounter I had with the Lord. The first time I can remember feeling that anointing is when I first came to the Lord in salvation. I was in Kambuka, Iraq. This was 2007. I was in the middle of a service. And towards the ends of the service, the Christian crooner, Chris Tomlin himself was playing Amazing Love in the background. And I closed my eyes and I had this, what I could describe as a vision without visuals, right? This holy picture of a king, you know, royal and humble and mighty.

19:43 being slain before me so that I would live. And that picture, that vision, that encounter, that heavy, weighty feeling, that anointing, which you hear all these terms kind of used interchangeably, was my first one. And it was powerful and it was mighty. And then I came to the Lord in that moment. But I would be lying to you if I said, I did never doubt again. I did never wonder if I would have an encounter like that again. And maybe some of you here are feeling that same way, or you've never had an encounter to begin with. You have a maybe a mindset or heart state, you're a little stoic, a little rigid, you consider yourself grounded. I want to encourage you to bring that to the Lord. Approach his throne. Trust that your doubt is not overwhelming him.

20:23 I want to ask you, have you been bold enough to approach his throne and trust that he can meet you where you are? Have you shared your apprehension? I wonder what it would look like if I did surrender myself fully and have an encounter with him. You can trust that he's going to show you who he is through the anointing and through his very presence. So as I took that time to think about those moments in my life, I recognized that. Those were precious moments. And it didn't matter what the environment around me may have looked like. It could have been turbulence and pain and upheaval. The moments where I met with the Lord, those were pockets of peace. Those were slices of sanctuary. And in many of those times, I didn't even know I needed an encounter, right? But the Lord still met me.

21:03 And that left me knowing how deeply that he knows me. Something we want to convey is that there's no formula, right? It's not a carbon copy. One thing to the next. It's a genuine seeking, you know? The purpose is to minister to your soul. And every time you have that encounter with him, it reminds you of how big and how mighty and how good and how caring he is. So the theme quite often is periods of worship, moments of worship, times of worship. For me, again, not a formula. It's just sort of the context I've often met with him. It's... Generally, those moments that it could be corporate worship, it could be alone in my home, in the car on the way to work. Just to give you a little peek behind the veil, I shared in the first service last week.

21:45 I went home to prepare a little bit of what I'm sharing now and I'm changing to Nia's diaper. And I don't know if you've ever had the privilege or the pleasure of being neck deep in baby poop, but that was transforming in and of itself. But then I have Forrest Frank playing on the side there. And Forrest Frank is singing his lyrics. And I just began to sing my own. It sounds a little corny. It works. I'm singing to the Lord. And I felt his presence in that moment. And tears started flowing. And that heavy, weighty anointing came upon me. And so generally, worship has been like that preamble to his visit. So I want to share again. That's not a recipe.

22:26 But it's the tendency that I've seen. And so... just some characteristics of what you can encounter in his presence. And as I shared first service, right, we didn't get together and communicate these things and figure out what we want to preach. We all sought the Lord and this is what he shared with us. So you're going to hear some repetition because I believe it's what the Lord wants to share with you. Psalm 1611, you will show me the path of life and your presence is fullness of joy. In your right hand, there are pleasures forevermore. There's never been a moment, even when those encounters stem from painful time periods where the presence of God didn't fill me with joy. As I encountered him, the circumstances surrounding my pain may not have changed, but the anointing changed my attitude and the way I allocated my attention to the problem.

23:13 I appreciate Exodus 33, 14, because it says, My presence shall go with you, and I will give you rest. Just a very quick aside, when I was... heading into my second deployment, the one to Afghanistan, I was in a period of deep depression, deep, deep depression. My eyes were dim. You know, I had a sadness, an internal sadness that nothing could shake. And, uh, the Lord knew what I needed. He knew I needed community. He knew I needed fellowship. And mostly, most importantly, he knew I needed his, his spirit. And so I found the, the Lower East Side location that Pastor Brian spoke of in, uh, And I remember the first time walking and hearing those voices united in worship. And as I joined mine to them, I felt this sense of rest that was resounding.

23:55 It gave me peace. It nourished me. It felt like God took my very heart in his hands and was massaging it back to life. You know, whatever ailed, whatever ached, those moments were specks and minuscule dust mites compared to his overwhelming love and healing in that moment and preparation for the season ahead. And then finally, Psalms 139.7. Where can I go from your spirit or where can I flee from your presence? That might seem like an odd verse in the context, but understand that he can meet you anywhere. So Yadi and I went to our first mission trip in Guatemala. We experienced the Lord's presence there. We saw how he moved, how he worked as we prayed and ministered, and we returned home.

24:35 On that Saturday evening, we were asked to share testimony the next day on that Sunday. And so our soundtrack as we were in Guatemala was Maverick City Music's first CD. And so I'm playing it. I see CD. CD is like from the 90s, right? People don't even say MP3 anymore. I don't even know what it is now. Spotify for everybody else out there or whatever. Yeah, yeah, that's it. So, you know, I'm playing that in the background as I'm preparing the testimony. And immediately I have an encounter with the Lord. And I get that. that nourishing that only he can give. And so... the whole day was an encounter with him. It wasn't just five minutes, 10 minutes, literally the entire day I had that encounter, that presence with God. As I'm sitting here sharing, he gave me a brief little moment to share.

25:19 No tears were flowing. As soon as I sat back down in that seat, tears were going flowing again, right? And so I share that to say that there's no hemisphere that separates him, right? There's no time period. There's no day or night for him. He's going to let you, where he wants to meet you, he will meet you. And so in conclusion, you know, You are qualified if you belong to Jesus to receive the Holy Spirit. Keep asking for him. He doesn't get tired. And in fact, his word instructs us to ask, to seek, and to not continually. He's our helper. He's our intercessor. We need him. And in fact, he's promised to us as believers. The world can't know him, but rest assured, you're not of the world. And then finally, he fills you with joy. He gives you a rest that restores your soul and can meet you anywhere you are, especially right where you are.

26:21 So I got to follow that up. Praise God. Thankfully, I don't because this is the Lord's show. And Abby too. So here's the thing. You've noticed the trend and the flow of what the Lord is trying to do here. He's trying to make us understand that he wants us to have more of his presence. There is something to having more of God in your life. I experienced this and I know this all too well because, man, rocks me every time because I don't like thinking back to this time in my life, but it's important to give you insight into just how wonderful it is to have the Lord injected into your life.

27:11 So, I didn't get saved to the age of 22. And for some context, I, I didn't come from a broken home. Wasn't from the hood. Like my parents are college educated. My dad worked on Wall Street at Merrill Lynch for a number of years. It was a good environment. Two parent household. Mind you they were West African so. Gather from that what you will, praise God. It was rough to say the least. But even despite that good of environment.

27:51 I was still led to negative things in the world from drug use, drug sales, violence. And I started using drugs at the age of 11. And sometimes it rocks me because my daughter's 10. And I think back to what she experienced as a childhood and what mine was, and they're so vastly different. And I'm grateful that they are that different. But I remember being in that place.

28:32 And actually, I sought drugs out because I was a very heady kid. Now, one of the things that is definitely not a good mix is to be heady and then be on drugs. Because here I am having metaphysical, deep contemplation thoughts at 11. And then also, hi. Hi. I begin to have panic attacks. but there was a reason for it. The reason I was having panic attacks because I was so introspective and trying to be thoughtful and thinking about existence, but I couldn't get past this one thought that one day my existence on this life was going to be over.

29:31 And I had no grid for anything after that. Now I'm actually, I'm a child of hip hop. Say that to my shame. But the truth is the truth. And I remember an artist by the name of Nas, the infamous, queen's finest. Listen, Wu-Tang forever, let's be clear. I'm from Staten Island, let's be clear. Wu-Tang forever. But Nas had this one lyric where he says, I never sleep, cause sleep is the cousin of death. And I remember at 11 that making so much sense and it fed into my mania because I was afraid of annihilation.

30:18 There was this thought that I would go through the entirety of my life and then there would be nothing because my mindset was sleep is only enjoyable when you wake up. And the thought of just not existing Because remember, we are finite beings. So when you begin to contemplate certain things that involve eternity, there's a visceral reaction in the flesh that happens because the finite is not meant to carry the infinite. And I would run headlong into that space and it would terrify me. to the point that my body began to react and I start having panic attacks every time I would come to that place.

31:01 And it became a vicious cycle because every time I would come to that place of thought and I would be overwhelmed and my flesh would respond in kind and I'd begin to have panic attacks and I'm profusely sweating and I can't breathe and my heart is like a jackhammer basically thinking I'm going to die right now. Like, oh my God, not only is it coming, but it's here. Right? And it was a vicious cycle because that would lead me to use more drugs to try to dampen and get away from the reality and the thought process of it's going to end. So again and again and again. More drug use leads to more contemplation, leads to more panic, leads to more fear, which leads to more drug use.

31:41 And it was terrible. It was a terrible way to live. And then by God's mercy and grace, I get saved. I get called into the kingdom of God. I am told that I am accepted in the beloved. I am a son of the most high God, washed in his blood, filled with his spirit. And he called me into intimate relationship. He didn't just say, come to church. He said, be my son. Because sometimes we forget that that's what it means to be Christian. I love that all of you are here. I love that the room is full, but I'm not really concerned about your attendance right now. I love that you are here. Don't stop coming.

32:22 But the end all and the be all of your Christianity is not in church attendance. It's in relationship with God through Jesus. So I now have this relationship with God. I'm no longer on drugs. But I do contemplate the future. And I remember one time the Lord helped me. Because when my prayer life started, my prayer life was 30 seconds. Good morning, Jesus. How are you today? I am well. Thank you for waking me up. All right, I'm gonna see you later, bro. And I go about my day.

33:02 And the Lord actually helped me over time. And one of the ways that he helped me is he told me to get a chair and put it in my room. And I was like, get a chair, okay. I'll try this out. Anything you say, Lord, I'll try it. And I would put the chair down and then I would kneel in front of the chair. And it began to give me a sense of the presence of God that God was, it was not just this anomalous thing, analogous. He's just, you know, in the ether somewhere. Like, no, it brought it home. He's here with me. I'm praying to him. Amen? And it was beautiful because it brought me the closeness. But like I said, after getting saved, I didn't stop having these metaphysical thoughts, these thoughts on eternity.

33:44 And again, when the finite meets the infinite, there is a response and a reaction that needs to take place. And you can understand how extremely discouraged I was the first time I had a panic attack as a Christian. In prayer, no less. Because here I am, I'm reading the book of Revelation. I'm gearing up, I'm ready. Like, let's go, beast, I'm ready. Listen, I got saved. I thought Jesus was coming back in two weeks. I thought he picked me up. Like, I was just waiting for my Uber.

34:24 So now I'm praying, and I'm thinking about eternity, and the darkness is starting to surround me again, and I start having a panic attack in prayer. profusely sweating. I can't even put my thoughts together to say, Jesus, help. Because I'm just in this place of thinking about annihilation where I will no longer exist. And I can only akin it and articulate it this way. You know when you're in a confined space and somebody walks in the room and even if you don't see them, you get a sense for, I'm with somebody else.

35:06 Yes. the presence of the Lord showed up. And it was almost like I'm there on my knees in front of the chair, and I feel him. Just as a reminder, like I'm here. But even more than that, hallelujah. I'm in the presence of the Lord now. And again, his presence makes all the difference in the world. And this is the reason the Lord would have me to share this today.

35:46 Because in the throes of a panic attack, he shows up and opens my mind to not just see the blank emptiness and the darkness. I saw a throne. I saw a throne in the middle of the darkness and from there the only thing that I can compare what I experienced in that moment is to call it a reverse panic attack. There was so much joy, so much peace, so much of the goodness of God like he was just showing me, you will never not be with me. His presence anchored me.

36:28 It's strength man, y'all. And I remember getting up from that experience and I said, God, what was that? Because I was I came from a very legalistic Pentecostal church and you better not have no experience that you can't explain in the word of God. I said, you're going to have to show me, man, what was that? Because I can't go to church to testify. And I'll be like, that's a demon. Come here. We'll take care of it. So I said, God, show me from the scripture. And he led me to Psalm 16. I'm going to do a little 7-11 today. How about that?

37:10 Psalm 16, verses 7 to 11. I bless the Lord who gives me counsel. In the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me because he is at my right hand. I shall not be shaken. Now, I want you to just stay there on eight for a minute. See, this is what was happening. I was having that moment with the Lord. I had set the Lord always before me. I got my chair ready. I got my prayer life. I was in progress because he is at my right hand. I shall not be shaken. He began to anchor me. Let's keep going.

37:52 Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices. My flesh also dwells secure. You gotta understand, I'm having this reverse panic attack where my body is reverberating with joy and expectation and a vision of eternity. And I say it's a reverse panic attack because in the same way before where I would see eternity as this nothingness, this gulf, this empty thing where there is no existence. Now it was the opposite of I'm going to continue on into forever with Jesus. And it's like my body was almost like. Oh, you got you guys don't make that sound when you get super excited.

38:37 That's kind of the sound I make. All right. my whole being, you can go back to verse nine. My whole being was rejoicing and my flesh dwelt from that day forward. I've never had a panic attack another day in my life. This was over 20 years ago. From that day forward, my flesh has dwelt securely because his presence entered my life. Verse 10. for you will not abandon my soul to Sheol or let your Holy One see corruption. You make known to me the path of life, you show me that throne.

39:18 In your presence there is fullness of joy. At your right hand are pleasures forevermore. In your presence, there is fullness of joy. How many people want to be free of anxiety, depression, worry, guilt, shame, condemnation, fear, and the anchors of this life? Then I ask you, I invite you, welcome the Holy Spirit into you. How about this? Because what we need right now is what Pastor Brian was... talking about earlier, we're going to engage in some biblical practice, the practice of laying hands, where we release the presence and the power of God that you may receive freely what the Lord has given to us.

40:08 But first, we're going to receive our weekly tithes and offerings so that we can have room and just go on and do what the Lord wants to do. Because I believe God wants to show up here today and give us what we are desperately in need of, which is more of him. So we're going to continue worshiping because we don't realize this sometimes, but giving and receiving is worship unto God. Amen? So you can point your smartphone at the QR code. If you came prepared to give an old school gift, a physical gift, we have offering boxes right by the door. One note, when you give, don't just bucket plunk.

40:49 Don't just do it because it's time. In the same way when we sang earlier, we sang as worship unto God. When these mighty men of God, when they spoke, they spoke and as they spoke, that was worship unto God. And even now as we give, this is worship. Give in faith believing that as you sow, he's using that to bring a harvest into your life. Don't give because, oh, you know, it's an organization. It's a people. No, we don't want it. Give knowing that you give to God. Oh, where do I start?

41:30 Well, you can start with the tithe. That's the 10%. Anything above that is what we call generosity. That's where the offering comes. What should that look like? I don't know. You just ask the Lord what he would have you give. Give. We're not really into emotional manipulation as some places are where they try to push you and just give what the Lord would have you give. We trust and know that it's the right way to live. We literally make a living by our giving. Because we're trusting him. We're honoring him. We're worshiping him. So I can't tell you do this and do that. Ask him what he would have you give. Amen.

42:12 All right, stand to your feet. We are going to continue to worship and sing to the Lord. But for those of you that want to receive ministry by the laying on of hands, come and receive prayer. ministry. This is the City Light Church podcast. If you've missed any part of today's message, or if you would like to find out more about Pastor Boyan Jancic and City Light Church, visit us at citylightnyc.com. That's citylightnyc.com. Feel free to visit us online or in person anytime. We would love to connect with you. We pray that you have been encouraged today, that you have been reminded how much God loves you, and that you are surrounded by grace.

42:55 Thank you for listening. Make sure that you subscribe to City Light Church Podcast wherever you find your favorite podcasts worldwide.